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If you pick your nose all the time, why doesn’t your head cave in?

If god made man in his image, why do we look like monkeys?

If there are no pockets on a shroud, where do you put your glasses?

If Jesus was born on Christmas day, when does he have his birthday party?

If a dog is a man’s best friend, why does he fetch his slippers?

A little bird told me, you’re so tweet.

A nod is as good as a wink to a blind eye.

If this is a no-brainer, what is a yes-brainer?

How does a pig get in a poke?

Is your brush as daft as you?

If you are as fit as a fiddle, are you as fat as a faddle?

If there's method in madness, don’t try badness.

If the tail wags the dog, what does the dog wag?

If the law is an ass, you are a donkey.

If the floozie is in the jacuzzi, don’t be so choosy.

If the elephant is in the room, there’s no room.

If the early bird catches the worm, does the late worm catch the bird.

If the customer is always right, the shopkeeper goes bankrupt.

If it is straight from the horse's mouth, don’t eat it.

If you paint the town red, why are people so blue?

If you get money for old rope, what do you get for old dope?

If you have had many happy returns, do you read funny library books?

Why are your arms only long enough to wipe your bum?

Tom O. Keenan, Jan 2022


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